just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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