were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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