That's when you crack a 10am beer
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
