He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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