I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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