Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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