i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
