Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
