i already hear my dad disowning me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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