come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
