a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
