I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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