BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
