he puts the penis in happiness.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
