awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
