I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
