You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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