i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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