wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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