he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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