1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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