If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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