Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
