It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
