is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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