i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
