I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
