We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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