Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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