Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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