remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
