hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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