I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
