I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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