we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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