I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
