VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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