remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
