pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
