Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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