dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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