why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
