Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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