I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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