Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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