How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
