Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
