We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
