i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
