Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
