Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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