You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
only you would photoshop your dick
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
