Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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