I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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