if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
