I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
