do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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