there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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