Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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