I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You can't motorboat a personality
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
