Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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