i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
