He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My life is pants optional.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
