I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
