I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
