oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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