i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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