I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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