Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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