drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
