I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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