Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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