Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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