I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
