dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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