Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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