How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
