I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
