I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
