I smell stomach acid.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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