Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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