Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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